Lately, it seems that loss is part of my landscape. Not big loss, death of family or friends, but the little losses that keep adding up. Loss of health, loss of activity, loss of friendship, loss of abilities. When I listen to what others are saying I hear so much grief over these little losses, sadness and anger over the letting go of things that have meant much. I wonder if we are all just practicing for the ultimate loss of our own lives. As we get older I think it is harder to ignore the impact of loss in our lives. We aren't able to outrun, outthink, or outdrink it anymore. If we do a mental inventory of gain and loss, over time loss wins. And littles losses add up. And big losses become more frequent. And eventually if we are still alive we live with loss as a pretty constant companion.
When I speak to my Mother she talks about her failing eyesight, her inability to drive, her difficulty following recipes. My Mother in Law talks about her loss of her ability to walk, her loss of her husband's companionship due to dementia, her sorrow over friends who have passed on. My friends talk about the joints that remind them everyday that they ain't as good as they used to be, their concern about losing their jobs, pensions, security etc. My children talk about losing boyfriends, familiar homes, security.
And I sense with all of them the sorrow and anger just below the surface and the weary resignation of knowing that there is more to come. Is there any better reason to believe in God? If hope springs eternal it must spring from some well. Loss may be part of life but is it part of resurrection? Is heaven a place where the lonely find comfort and solace or is heaven a place where no memory exists of the losses of living? I didn't always believe in heaven. I thought it was a place conveniently dreamt up to pacify losers. Now I think that heaven must exist or else none of us would continue on. If loss is our lot in life why do we all keep moving forward, striving on, making the best of it, hoping for more? Maybe we don't believe it, maybe we don't think about it, but every action we take is fueled by some inkling of it's reality or we would stop acting. Heaven is so much a place in our hearts and souls that even when we forget it we don't lose it. Because heaven is home - our home - the place where we can resume living without loss. We may not open our hearts to God but God is in our hearts, urging us towards spirithood, even as we are bogged down in messy, sad life.
This is why we don't all fall down in a puddle of tears and sorrow every day. God is with us, heaven is open, we are preparing. In life we can't escape loss, in death we will overcome it.
