Ownership

"Rags make paper,
Paper makes money,
Money makes banks,
Banks make loans,
Loans make beggars,
Beggars make rags."

Someone told me that the heart of the consumer is a heart that cannot love others. It reminded me of the story about Bernard Madoff. Here is a man who swindled the people he was closest to in the world, not just friends but family too. And I think the reason he could do so has to do with a sense of entitlement that comes from not recognizing that, truly, we own nothing, are entitled to nothing, and that whatever comes to us is a gift and a loan.

So I guess it is not so odd that the money maker is now making rags (or the prison equivalent of such). Wanting to own the world (or at least the money of all he knew and cared for) was the trap that led to his own demise. And he was so shameless in the flaunting of that money. Yachts and clothes and parties and all the things essential to the "good life." How does one fall from the pinnacle of consumerism to the pit? And was he driven by a lust for goods, or a desire to have one over on others, or was he just some dumb schmuck trying to get whatever he could before the party ended. Living each day as if it was his last because he knew that at any moment the jig could be up.

The point of the rag story, according to Sister Joan Chittister, is "be careful what you want. It will own you before you own it." And how clearly we can see that in the face of Bernard Madoff. But what of our own wants - the things we silently dream about, or pursue with a vengeance. How much of our own being is no longer ours but belongs to the stuff we accumulate, store, and covet.

As a child I learned the 10 commandments. I was always puzzled by that word "covet". What did that mean I wondered as it was being explained that I should not "want" my neighbors stuff even if it was better than mine or "desire" my neighbor's spouse no matter how much I might dislike my own or be attracted to hers. Is it the nature of human nature to want what we don't have - was the reason for the law that God recognized this basic flaw in our nature? And in the good nun's words - is the danger in possession being possessed?

Ownership, the basic assumption of the capitalist economy - do we possess or are we possessed? Is the engine of the economy the engine of our own destruction or are we above those laws laid down thousands of years ago in some primitive tale that might be the word of God or, for others, a long ago tale passed on by man? Of course in late 2009 we are more able to see the pitfalls in our economic system, to recognize that greed does indeed lead to destruction. And whether God is the source of this wisdom or man long ago understood this on some level, it is easier to see now how coveting may indeed close our hearts to the other. And ignoring our history we are indeed doomed to repeat it and have done so, over and over, for the length of recorded human history.

My mother loved things, she surrounded herself with lovely objects that she took great pride in. Her home was filled with art and beauty. In her last days, though, she lay in a bed in a tiny room in a private home, racked with pain and gasping for each breath. The home was one she would not have sought to live in, the bed tiny and lumpy. But the people there cared for her with love and compassion and ushered her out of this world with grace. The beauty lay in that grace, not in the surroundings but in the people. I wonder, belatedly, if she would have traded all those beautiful things for that grace and love. I believe so. I hope so. Today, some of those lovely things she cared for are in my care. I see them as a reminder to let go of what is not important.

Real Time

Did you know that physicists believe there are at least 11 dimensions in the universe and are pretty sure there are 2 more for a total of 13? So in my 3 dimensional view of things what am I missing? If I added a dimension or two what would happen, could I move backward in time? Could I shape change? Could I move beyond time? Could I still breathe, think, feel in another dimension? Would I still be human or some multi-dimensional being with super powers that could not be seen or felt but could act? WOW - that would be amazing!

Having no answers and not really even knowing what these other dimensions are I am stuck here in my 3D reality. I think? Am I?

Remember Madeline l'Engle's book "A Wrinkle in Time", wouldn't that be interesting to find the wrinkle. To slip the bonds of 3D and find 4D or 5D. Could you imagine a world beyond this one that is merely a wrinkle from your grasp, a world that exists behind a thin veil of 3Dness, a veil that parts ever so slightly once in a while and gives a chance for slipping in or out. Hmmm.

You may be wondering, who cares? or is this lady a nut? or I've got better things to do with my time. And you are right - it's not really a quest that one can succeed at.

I saw "Man of LaMancha" this past week at a local playhouse. Quite a production - excellent in all ways. The program described it as a play written in the 60's with all the idealism of the time. The implication being that this was a somewhat dated yet inspiring dramatization. But ah - the Quest! "To follow that star, no matter how hopeless, no matter how far".

Do we accept the 3Dness of life, the inevitable and inexorable pull of the familiar, the known, the previously discovered? Is it only the lunatic, the exile, the prisoner who has the vision to see what cannot be seen by others. Don Quixote's quest to battle evil, right wrongs, and restore chivalry - not really a quest to change the world or perhaps. And this during the Spanish Inquisition - a time of religious and ethnic intolerance when one's hope was not in the world or the body but in being saved from eternal damnation.

Yes, we have come far - we are no longer torturing those who are of differing religious persuasions or ethnic persuasions, the inquisitions have stopped??? We have become a kinder, gentler world in which all are provided the opportunity to reach their potential?

And so the fool, the madman is the one who says there is another dimension - a reality we can live that we have not tried. Our salvation is not in the next world it is in making this time and place heavenly - in finding the dimension within and without that holds out the possibility to all of grace, and love, and hope, and faith. "To dream the impossible dream."

Reincarnation

The plants in the garden are in full bloom and the dying blossoms droop as new ones come out in full riotous color. One little leaf falls from the tall poplar, yellow and dying while the rest of the canopy is greener and fuller than ever before. As the small leaf winds it's way to the ground I am reminded that before long the fall days will come and more and more leaves will swirl towards the earth. We will rake them into piles and the dogs will jump into them and be buried up to their snouts in the dying fodder of another summer's passing. The leaves not yet fallen will create a gorgeous riot of fall yellows and oranges and reds and they too will drop. Before the last one touches down the first snow may touch the ground and everything will sleep as winter wraps it's arms around the land. All will be hushed and quiet and the noises of summer; the laughter of children swimming in the pond, the birds swooping in for seed for their babies, the buzzing of the hummers as they fight over their feeding spots, the crackle of thunder and the heat of lightning will pass away. Sleep, quiet restful sleep will come over the land and while we rest the world will prepare for it's next spring, it's next summer. Familiar plants will once again bloom and new ones will appear as if from no where, fruit will blossom and vegetables sprout. The cycle begins again. Some of us will die in the days in between and some will be born. There will be sorrow and joy. We are assured that what passes will come again in a new way and then it too shall pass away. Days will pass into night and night into day and the earth breathes.

Awakening

We cannot buy life without end
or avoid going to the grave...
This is the lot of those who trust in themselves...
Like sheep they are driven to the grave.
- Psalm 49

It seems almost trite in this modern world to say that we will die. Of course we will die. Death becomes us. Yet, our avoidance is so complete and compelling that in all things we seek not to die but to maintain, not to live but to hold on. People have said they never felt so alive as when they were at death's doorstep - that in that moment when they were held at the very precipice they felt the exhilaration of stepping off into.......what?

If you believe in the promise of eternity your expectation is for something better, greater, and more than what life has given. You believe in new life, life made complete, life beyond life. And so these eternalists look forward to the grave, trusting that in dying they will live. But what of those who are more firmly rooted in the ground of the earth they inhabit. Their letting go is not so determined or ordained perhaps.

In the Catholic church when you die you aren't necessarily knocking on those pearly gates in that moment of letting go - you may go to a waiting room, a purgatory of sorts, where you wait. No one seems to know for how long you wait or what you do while you wait but there does seem to be some consensus of Catholic opinion on the fact that you will wait. I don't know if you wait for a final determination of up or down or if you are just waiting for Peter's call to come. The Protestants decided to simplify the choices, you die, you go up or you go down. No one even prays for you after you die because your fate is decided, no waiting time, no need for prayer. And of course, many of us are not of the Catholic persuasion or even of the Christian so perhaps in these other belief systems after-death is a different after-life. What seems to be a generally held opinion is that whatever comes next is either better or deserved.

So, if like sheep, our lot is to be driven to the grave then it would seem natural that our curiosity about the other side would compel us to keep the grave in sight. But typically, we do not do so. In fact, the opposite seems to be the case, it being more exciting to contemplate the t.v. guide than the hereafter? Is it a failure of imagination or intelligence that leaves us blinded by the light of t.v. not eternity? Or is that light so bright that it stuns us into sheep like complacency as we stumble ever onwards towards it? So we slumber on as we lumber on knowing what we do not want to know and hoping that in the end there is resurrection.

Grief

Lately, it seems that loss is part of my landscape. Not big loss, death of family or friends, but the little losses that keep adding up. Loss of health, loss of activity, loss of friendship, loss of abilities. When I listen to what others are saying I hear so much grief over these little losses, sadness and anger over the letting go of things that have meant much. I wonder if we are all just practicing for the ultimate loss of our own lives. As we get older I think it is harder to ignore the impact of loss in our lives. We aren't able to outrun, outthink, or outdrink it anymore. If we do a mental inventory of gain and loss, over time loss wins. And littles losses add up. And big losses become more frequent. And eventually if we are still alive we live with loss as a pretty constant companion.

When I speak to my Mother she talks about her failing eyesight, her inability to drive, her difficulty following recipes. My Mother in Law talks about her loss of her ability to walk, her loss of her husband's companionship due to dementia, her sorrow over friends who have passed on. My friends talk about the joints that remind them everyday that they ain't as good as they used to be, their concern about losing their jobs, pensions, security etc. My children talk about losing boyfriends, familiar homes, security.

And I sense with all of them the sorrow and anger just below the surface and the weary resignation of knowing that there is more to come. Is there any better reason to believe in God? If hope springs eternal it must spring from some well. Loss may be part of life but is it part of resurrection? Is heaven a place where the lonely find comfort and solace or is heaven a place where no memory exists of the losses of living? I didn't always believe in heaven. I thought it was a place conveniently dreamt up to pacify losers. Now I think that heaven must exist or else none of us would continue on. If loss is our lot in life why do we all keep moving forward, striving on, making the best of it, hoping for more? Maybe we don't believe it, maybe we don't think about it, but every action we take is fueled by some inkling of it's reality or we would stop acting. Heaven is so much a place in our hearts and souls that even when we forget it we don't lose it. Because heaven is home - our home - the place where we can resume living without loss. We may not open our hearts to God but God is in our hearts, urging us towards spirithood, even as we are bogged down in messy, sad life.

This is why we don't all fall down in a puddle of tears and sorrow every day. God is with us, heaven is open, we are preparing. In life we can't escape loss, in death we will overcome it.

Depression

Delicate humor is the crowning virtue of the saints.
Evelyn Underhill

There is a national mood that is captured by the imagination of 200+ million people experiencing the events of the day at the same time and in living color. Lately, the pundits say the mood is depressed. We are in a tailspin of worry; over gas prices, hurricanes, homeless family and friends, poverty, credit card debt, and a dying real estate market. And in a mass act of withdrawal we are starting to stay home, use less gas, spend less, turn the heat lower and the a/c higher, wear the same clothes more often, eat out less, and sigh more.

The pundits notice - the markets react. We are gripped by an anxiety that events are out of our control, that our spending spree is coming to an end, that the SUV will have to be garaged. We have no appreciation of the gifts we are blessed with, the extraordinary position we occupy in relation to the rest of the world. We obsess about terrorism while other people are blown up by it. Four years without a terrorist incident on our own soil and we still wait for the other shoe to drop. Meantime our foreign neighbors in Irag are experiencing 500 terrorist incidents a week. And rising.

We shake our heads over the lack of gas, it's high price, the specter of shortages. We drive less and buy more videos. We hope the winter will be kind, knowing that we may spend double for the heat we buy. We cannot conceive of a world where most people still walk, or bike, or ride animals to work. Our imagination does not extend to a world where people jam into the cities to be in close proximity to their work, supplies, relatives. And only Hurricane Katrina reminds us that our suburbs may be more vulnerable than we had once thought. And in 50 years, 75% of us will live on the coasts of this country.

The pundits notice - the markets react. Events spin out of control, no one seems to be in charge. The president suggests that the military should be in charge in times of national disaster and the governors, at least 38 of them, say no way. Mayor Nagin blames Governor Blanco who blames FEMA's Brown who blames Mayor Nagin and Governor Blanco who blame the president who blames the Democrats who blame the Republicans who blame Brown who resigns. Meantime we watch on t.v. as helpless, old, disabled people float in oily water on top of doors waving for help, stand on rooftops as the water creeps higher, die in the streets lying in grocery carts. And the anti-war crowd gears up to press for our boys to come home soon. Who knows whether that idea has merit, our anxiety feeds our need to withdraw, pull in, give up. And who do we trust to make such a decision, Bush? Cheney? The Republicans? The Democrats? Mayor Nagin? Governor Blanco? Who is in charge?

We try to do what's right, take care of our own, go to church, say the pledge, raise our kids and pay our way. We have the outlines of what it takes but do we have the soul? The courage? The spirit? Are we leading or led? Up or down? Spirited or disspirited? Can we shake off our malaise long enough to lead with gentle humor, call down the spirit of the saints we pray to, take responsibility for our choices, make a difference? Can we? We are not lemmings rushing to the sea, social relationships do not define us, we can say no or yes or maybe. And no one else has to agree. All we need is gentle humor, sacrificing spirit, responsible action, saintliness.

KATRINA

Please go to the website: www.umcor.org to find out how to donate money, supplies, and volunteer through the United Methodist Committee on Relief. Every dollar donated goes to victims not administration. OR donate to any legitimate charitable organization

Also, check out the national food bank network through www.secondharvest.org, this network of food banks already has distribution centers and food bank networks set up and can quickly mobilize resources.

Send letters, emails, and phone calls to our government asking why they are not doing everything possible to move people out of New Orleans - this effort appears stymied by bureaucracy. The poor, black, young, and elderly need our voices rising louder and louder until they are heard. Do not let your voice be stifled by inertia or a sense that this is too overwhelming. We can do something and we need to do everything we can - this situation can be improved immediately by overwhelming demand and pressure from each and every one of us.

Do not go out and top off your gas tank - GO OUT AND DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO HELP THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE FOOD, WATER, OR A ROOF OVER THEIR HEADS. YOUR GASOLINE NEEDS ARE NOT PRIMARY NOW.

Finally, pray for the victims of this tragedy. Our combined voices can make a difference.